I've written pretty close to 150,000 words here in the past three years, but I need a bunch of new ones to describe this latest chapter in the Chronicles of Zowniriw. The old standbys, like antisocial, amoral, and shameful, just don't cut it any more.
When we last left the Zownifeud, six neighbors had come to a Richland Board of Supervisors meeting, complaining that Supervisor Mike, and wife Amy, Zowniused his position to continually harass them. Two hired attorneys. In retribution, the Z's built a wall across the basement they share with elderly neighbors Clair and Woody Cressman, and shut off their water. The Cressmans have spent over $11,000 (and counting) in legal fees, and construction costs for their own wall to keep Supervisor Mike out of their side of the house.
Supervisor Mike showed typical Zowni-'tude when he actually Zowniwrote a press release saying that he was "invigorated" by the experience, and that the neighbors were really all harassing him! A Zowniruse.
Updates: Supervisor Mike asked for a Zowniruling from the Richland Code Enforcement Officer that the Cressman's new wall was improperly built. It wasn't, and the Officer issued a letter saying so! Supervisor Mike had his attorney write to the neighbors claiming that the wall was on his property. Wrong again. Supervisor Mike argued that he needed access into their basement to maintain his pipes. Inspection by a plumber proved that also to be false.
Three strikes, and Supervisor Mike was apparently out of arguments. The wall and water issues seemed to be resolved. But, according to the Cressman's daughter, Kelly Collins, the harassment was Zowniworse than ever. They are headed back to court. She says that the Z's parked their cars right up against her bumpers so she couldn't get out. They blocked her walkway so her disabled father could not get to his car. They repeatedly yell, scream, and bang on the walls late at night. Zownirude! Items disappeared from her basement, which the Cressmans' attorney called "burglary".
Amy apparently contacted one of Collins' ex-colleagues, and left the message, "My name is Amy and I am calling from Richland Township about Kelly Collins. Kelly is one of our volunteers here in Richland, and I need some information about her...Please call us back at home. Our number is (Z's home number)".
Of course, Amy does not work for the township, and had no business using Richland's name to gather information about her neighbor. Collins, who is on the Community/Police Liaison Board, is sure that Amy found the ex-colleague through information in the township's volunteer file. Did I mention that Mike is a Supervisor? Zownisnoop!
In January, after yet another incident with the cars, Collins wrote to township officials, "I know that we will pay (for making a police report) with some type of harassment from Mr. Zowniriw. There is nothing that can be done about bad neighbors. It is just an insult to this township and a waste of police time to have a Supervisor who continues to conduct himself in various illegal and unethical ways. Today the police were here for over an hour dealing with this situation."
In fact, Richland police have responded to Zownirows involving the Zowniriws at least twenty-two times in the last 14 months!!! Are you ready to Zownirumble? Clair Cressman has suffered two heart attacks since the harassment began. Her cardiologist believes that the Zowniruthless actions are "material and substantial contributing and causal factors".
The Cressmans have put their house on the market, and Zownirue the day that Mike and Amy moved in. But they worry that the Zownirumors have Zowniruined the Zownirural neighborhood, and that they, and others, will now have difficulty selling. It appears that their worst fears are being Zownirealized. They are still being Zowniscrewed:
Collins says, "The minute we left so the realtor could show the house, the Z's turned their stereo up full blast. The family across the street could hear the music." And the Z's wrote to that realtor, "We are forced to contact your office and advise you that the two pipes supplying water to 260 Station Avenue's well (Cressman's home) are on our property. Under no circumstances, now or in the future, will we allow entrance to our property for any reason in relation to these pipes."
Clair's answer: "I have a plumber and general contractor who will both state that there is nothing from Zowniriw's basement on my property, and nothing from 260 Station Avenue on his. My attorney inspected this and advised that it was what Judge Fritsch ordered done, and satisfied the court order. Other than harassing the Cressmans, I do not know what he is talking about!"
Around here, people are sadly familiar with Supervisor Mike's Zownirighteous attitude. But he continues to embarrass himself, and Richland, in front of others. At the February meeting of the Bucks County Association of Township Officials, there was a show of hands regarding voting machines. An overwhelming majority of the 150 or so attendees supported voter-verifiable paper ballots. Approximately eight, including Z, indicated "no position".
OK, no problem, move on...right? Wrong. The chairman was in mid-sentence of the next agenda item when Z stood up and interrupted, "excuse me, excuse me". The chairman stopped the meeting, and Z stated, "I was confused and thought I was voting to support the resolution. I made a mistake. I want to say this in case anyone saw me vote against it...I don't want anyone to get mad at me."
How could anyone get mad at a supervisor who doesn't even understand what he is voting for? Richlanders have three years and eight months left to Zowniruminate about their Zowniruler's behavior. Then they can finally be Zownirid of this embarrassment forever .